So many of us who are on a recovery journey (From an Eating Disorder, OCD, Depression, whatever it may be) have one persistent thought that keeps us from truly conquering our illnesses:
I am not enough.
Maybe it’s because we live in a society that exalts perfection. Maybe it’s because technology allows us to selectively present our best selves to a mass audience, and causes us to unconsciously compare ourselves to hundreds of other doing the same. Maybe, just maybe, it’s because we learn (from a very young age), about how big and competitive the world is, and the chances of us actually succeeding are “so small” that we need to push and push until we’re running on fumes to make it.
It’s no wonder we’re experience collective feelings of inadequacy. We’re constantly exposing ourselves to thousands of idealized representations of others, and feeling the pressure to be our ideal selves, too. However, we aren’t acquainted with the shortcomings of others the same way know our own insecurities. Since we don’t know the demons of others, it’s easy to assume that they don’t exist, or are in somehow less prominent than ours. It’s easy to fall into the trap that others are simply better at dealing with life. It’s easy to believe that we’re the ones with the problem; we’re the failures, we’ll never measure up to those ideals.
The persistent notion of not being enough leads to, at least, in my case, the belief that I don’t deserve the same things as everyone else. For me, the clearest example is “I don’t deserve to eat like a normal person.” This thought fuels my restrictive behaviors as much as my misconceptions about my body do. The idea that I’m a bad person who will never amount to anything, nor serve anyone, and I will be even worse if I ‘indulge’ in ‘bad’ or ‘too much’ food.
But here’s the thing: These ides are not rooted in reality. Far from it. Think about it: No one has EVER come up to me and said:
“Sarah. You are a worthless human being, no one will ever love you, you’ve not going to contribute anything to society.”
No one in my life has EVER entertained the notion that I am not worthy of the same things that they are. Plus, if someone did come up to me and say these things, I’d probably punch them square in the face. Because no one has the right to tell anyone else that they aren’t enough, that they won’t succeed in life.
So WHY do we do it to ourselves?
When I was in eighth grade I had a love affair with a piece of theatre called [title of show], a musical about four performers writing a musical. Very self-aware. A favorite of theatre snob and, apparently, pre-pubescent drama nerds like myself. The most popular song in the show is called ‘Die Vampire, Die!’ The four characters sing this song when faced with criticism from people who don’t understand nor believe in their show. The actors list off things that the critics/vampires might say to them: “You look like a fool” “No matter how hard you try you’ll never be good enough.” “Stop now and save yourself embarrassment.”
At the end of the song, one actress, Susan, says:
I am not enough.
Maybe it’s because we live in a society that exalts perfection. Maybe it’s because technology allows us to selectively present our best selves to a mass audience, and causes us to unconsciously compare ourselves to hundreds of other doing the same. Maybe, just maybe, it’s because we learn (from a very young age), about how big and competitive the world is, and the chances of us actually succeeding are “so small” that we need to push and push until we’re running on fumes to make it.
It’s no wonder we’re experience collective feelings of inadequacy. We’re constantly exposing ourselves to thousands of idealized representations of others, and feeling the pressure to be our ideal selves, too. However, we aren’t acquainted with the shortcomings of others the same way know our own insecurities. Since we don’t know the demons of others, it’s easy to assume that they don’t exist, or are in somehow less prominent than ours. It’s easy to fall into the trap that others are simply better at dealing with life. It’s easy to believe that we’re the ones with the problem; we’re the failures, we’ll never measure up to those ideals.
The persistent notion of not being enough leads to, at least, in my case, the belief that I don’t deserve the same things as everyone else. For me, the clearest example is “I don’t deserve to eat like a normal person.” This thought fuels my restrictive behaviors as much as my misconceptions about my body do. The idea that I’m a bad person who will never amount to anything, nor serve anyone, and I will be even worse if I ‘indulge’ in ‘bad’ or ‘too much’ food.
But here’s the thing: These ides are not rooted in reality. Far from it. Think about it: No one has EVER come up to me and said:
“Sarah. You are a worthless human being, no one will ever love you, you’ve not going to contribute anything to society.”
No one in my life has EVER entertained the notion that I am not worthy of the same things that they are. Plus, if someone did come up to me and say these things, I’d probably punch them square in the face. Because no one has the right to tell anyone else that they aren’t enough, that they won’t succeed in life.
So WHY do we do it to ourselves?
When I was in eighth grade I had a love affair with a piece of theatre called [title of show], a musical about four performers writing a musical. Very self-aware. A favorite of theatre snob and, apparently, pre-pubescent drama nerds like myself. The most popular song in the show is called ‘Die Vampire, Die!’ The four characters sing this song when faced with criticism from people who don’t understand nor believe in their show. The actors list off things that the critics/vampires might say to them: “You look like a fool” “No matter how hard you try you’ll never be good enough.” “Stop now and save yourself embarrassment.”
At the end of the song, one actress, Susan, says:
Why is it that if some guy walked up to me on the subway platform and said these things, I’d think he was an immature asshole, but if the vampire inside my head says it, it’s the voice of reason.
Pretty applicable, right?
Think about your friends and family. We ALL want nothing more than for our loved ones to realize how awesome they are. We want the people we love to be successful and confident and radiant. We would NEVER tell them that they’re not enough: in our eyes, they are, they’ve always been.
If no one has told you this today, I’m telling you now: You ARE enough. You’ve so enough. You’ve always been enough. You deserve to be happy now. Not six months from now. Not ten pounds from not. Now a new relationship or a higher GPA or a promotion from now.
Today. This second.
You are worthy of love; happiness. You are worthy of beautiful things and fantastic memories and a lifetime of contentment.
You are enough.
Think about your friends and family. We ALL want nothing more than for our loved ones to realize how awesome they are. We want the people we love to be successful and confident and radiant. We would NEVER tell them that they’re not enough: in our eyes, they are, they’ve always been.
If no one has told you this today, I’m telling you now: You ARE enough. You’ve so enough. You’ve always been enough. You deserve to be happy now. Not six months from now. Not ten pounds from not. Now a new relationship or a higher GPA or a promotion from now.
Today. This second.
You are worthy of love; happiness. You are worthy of beautiful things and fantastic memories and a lifetime of contentment.
You are enough.