It’s nearly an everyday occurrence: I could be attending a team meeting, or answering an email, or even receiving a compliment on something I’ve done, and out of nowhere I’m hit with unprecedented anxiety: “Someone is going to find out that I’m actually stupid.” To be honest, the phenomenon hits me when I think about the fact that I got this internship in the first place. One pestering, flea of a thought flies around my brain almost constantly. While right now I could try to swat it away, I can’t seem to get rid of it in the long term- and I know it will ultimately undermine my professional success and personal wellbeing:
When are they going to find out that I don’t actually deserve to be here?
I have a lot of fears: My manager and team are going to come to the realization that I wasn’t the best choice for the job. I actually have no pre-existing knowledge of the task at hand. There were a million better choices for the job than me. This dormant volcano of disappointment will decide to erupt any day now, and everyone in my life will realize that I have been ‘faking it’ the whole time. And this phenomenon isn’t restricted to work, either. It extends to my grades, relationships, the college I attend, the positions I’ve been elected to in organizations, almost every salient aspect of my life.
I’m not alone, either. Turns out, A lot of people refer to it as impostor syndrome. It’s a way of thinking that’s prominent among high-achieving individuals, especially women. Individuals who think this way live with the notion that they don’t actually deserve to be where they are, and someone, someday, some how, is going to expose their ‘fraud.’
This doesn’t just occur among naïve college interns. It’s a phenomenon that so many people go through. When psychologists were originally studying the condition in the 1980s, they found that two out of five successful people consider themselves frauds. And that’s probably an underestimation- as the definition of ‘successful’ has surely expanded since the time that study was conducted. Even Sheryl Sandberg, the woman who inspired millions of millennial feminists to Lean In, admits that she felt like a fraud her entire life. This issue is not imaginary. It’s pervasive. It’s real, and it seriously limits ou s going to break down the doors of my office (Good luck to him finding a place to park his squad car), knock the computer mouse out of my hand and say ‘STOP RIGHT THERE YOU IMPOSTER. EVACUATE THE PREMISES. WE KNOW WHAT YOU’VE DONE.’
Uh, no.
If you suffer from these thought patterns, you know how detrimental it can be. It holds you back from taking risks, from sharing your opinions, from connecting with colleagues for fear that they’ll ‘find you out.’ I know that I personally fall into the trap of being ok with being ‘seen, not heard’, because if I’m not authentic, than they can’t find out that I’m authentically a fake.
Well, I’m here to tell you this: that’s bullshit. I’m telling this to myself as much as I’m telling you, dear reader. You are not a fraud. You’re not an imposter. You haven’t mastermind some grandiose plan to trick everyone around you into thinking you’re more competent than you are. You’re smart, but you’re not that smart. Think about it: if you really WERE dumb/incompetent/ inadequate in some way, acting & completing tasks in a way to make people think that you DO deserve success would probably be REALLY HARD. Tricking everyone would probably take much more cunning and mental energy than what you’re doing.
But if you’re NOT a fraud, if you’re not some fly in the wall who has quietly tip-toed her way to success without anyone noticing these glaring flaws, what are you?
Here’s what you are: someone who is exactly where they’re supposed to be, doing exactly what they’re supposed to do.
Life is too short to second-guess that. And it’s far too short to understate your true opinions and ideas for fear that you’ll be exposed. Because here’s the truth: you won’t be. The fraud police aren’t coming from you. If you put yourself out there and make a mistake, the worst thing that can ultimately happen is that you learn something important from it.
If you’ve been looking for permission to start trusting your intuition and stop nurturing these toxic cognitive patterns, here you go.
You’re not an imposter. So stop living like it.
When are they going to find out that I don’t actually deserve to be here?
I have a lot of fears: My manager and team are going to come to the realization that I wasn’t the best choice for the job. I actually have no pre-existing knowledge of the task at hand. There were a million better choices for the job than me. This dormant volcano of disappointment will decide to erupt any day now, and everyone in my life will realize that I have been ‘faking it’ the whole time. And this phenomenon isn’t restricted to work, either. It extends to my grades, relationships, the college I attend, the positions I’ve been elected to in organizations, almost every salient aspect of my life.
I’m not alone, either. Turns out, A lot of people refer to it as impostor syndrome. It’s a way of thinking that’s prominent among high-achieving individuals, especially women. Individuals who think this way live with the notion that they don’t actually deserve to be where they are, and someone, someday, some how, is going to expose their ‘fraud.’
This doesn’t just occur among naïve college interns. It’s a phenomenon that so many people go through. When psychologists were originally studying the condition in the 1980s, they found that two out of five successful people consider themselves frauds. And that’s probably an underestimation- as the definition of ‘successful’ has surely expanded since the time that study was conducted. Even Sheryl Sandberg, the woman who inspired millions of millennial feminists to Lean In, admits that she felt like a fraud her entire life. This issue is not imaginary. It’s pervasive. It’s real, and it seriously limits ou s going to break down the doors of my office (Good luck to him finding a place to park his squad car), knock the computer mouse out of my hand and say ‘STOP RIGHT THERE YOU IMPOSTER. EVACUATE THE PREMISES. WE KNOW WHAT YOU’VE DONE.’
Uh, no.
If you suffer from these thought patterns, you know how detrimental it can be. It holds you back from taking risks, from sharing your opinions, from connecting with colleagues for fear that they’ll ‘find you out.’ I know that I personally fall into the trap of being ok with being ‘seen, not heard’, because if I’m not authentic, than they can’t find out that I’m authentically a fake.
Well, I’m here to tell you this: that’s bullshit. I’m telling this to myself as much as I’m telling you, dear reader. You are not a fraud. You’re not an imposter. You haven’t mastermind some grandiose plan to trick everyone around you into thinking you’re more competent than you are. You’re smart, but you’re not that smart. Think about it: if you really WERE dumb/incompetent/ inadequate in some way, acting & completing tasks in a way to make people think that you DO deserve success would probably be REALLY HARD. Tricking everyone would probably take much more cunning and mental energy than what you’re doing.
But if you’re NOT a fraud, if you’re not some fly in the wall who has quietly tip-toed her way to success without anyone noticing these glaring flaws, what are you?
Here’s what you are: someone who is exactly where they’re supposed to be, doing exactly what they’re supposed to do.
Life is too short to second-guess that. And it’s far too short to understate your true opinions and ideas for fear that you’ll be exposed. Because here’s the truth: you won’t be. The fraud police aren’t coming from you. If you put yourself out there and make a mistake, the worst thing that can ultimately happen is that you learn something important from it.
If you’ve been looking for permission to start trusting your intuition and stop nurturing these toxic cognitive patterns, here you go.
You’re not an imposter. So stop living like it.